How PPD Affects Marriages & Relationships
Couples commonly face marital problems or relationship issues during the first year after welcoming a new child into the world. Postpartum depression can make this lifestyle change even more difficult.
Up to 20% of women will experience postpartum depression after giving birth and up to four years postpartum.
Depression of any kind can seriously strain a relationship. However, postpartum depression is directly linked to an increase in marital problems. There are many reasons why marriage problems occur during postpartum depression.
Yet research shows that women who report high satisfaction in their relationships show less depressive symptoms during the postpartum period and over time.
That’s why it’s important for someone who is facing postpartum depression and their husband or partner to seek help at the first signs of PPD.
Relationship Challenges & Postpartum Depression
Many marital challenges can occur due to postpartum depression. The mother and her spouse often feel neglected, confused, unsupported, burdened or exhausted because of this mental health condition.
These feelings can lead to ongoing struggles that further complicate being a new parent or parent to multiple children.
Facing postpartum depression is stressful enough on its own. Chronic sadness, mood disorders, and anxiety disorders combined with relationship tension can further compound the problem.
Here are some common challenges couples battling postpartum depression face:
- Feeling unloved, unwanted, or abandoned by your partner
- Withdrawing from your partner
- Not talking about your needs, feelings, or issues
- Feeling unsatisfied in your relationship
- Increased symptoms of existing mental illnesses
- Turning to alcohol or drugs to cope
- The person with PPD experiencing thoughts of suicide
- Not having a strong support system
- Facing barriers to getting the right healthcare
- Experiencing misdirected anger at your partner or your new baby
- Having a fear of rejection from your partner
- Effects of PPD on breastfeeding, bonding with the baby, or childcare
- Dads or partners getting PPD — about 10% of new fathers develop PPD
Causes of Problems in Relationships and Marriages Facing PPD
There is often not just one single cause of postpartum depression marriage problems. These issues are usually the result of different factors and situations happening all at once.
Here are some of the top factors that lead to postpartum depression marriage problems:
Increased Workload
Often, couples underestimate the amount of work required during the weeks and months following childbirth. For mothers facing postpartum depression, this increased workload becomes an overwhelming feeling of possibly losing control.
This is especially true for first-time parents and couples whose partners do not share the load of household work and childcare.
In one study of over 250 participants published in the Journal of Reproductive and Infant Psychology, researchers tracked marital issues in couples after the birth of children.
They found that one of the greatest issues couples face after the birth of a child is the division of household labor. Specifically, they face disagreements about the husband’s participation in chores and childcare.
The same study found that women tend to report higher satisfaction rates with marriage overall before giving birth and lower rates of satisfaction after birth.
Increased workload and low satisfaction in a relationship are both considered issues that lend to postpartum depression.
Lack of Communication
Many new emotions and responsibilities arise after having a new baby. With the addition of PPD, it is common for couples to cut off communication.
Couples who had difficulty communicating before having a baby may find communication even more difficult after birth.
Couples may find it difficult to describe their feelings or fear they will offend others. They may also believe the condition will go away on its own.
One study from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology examined 218 couples during their transition to parenthood. The study showed that both mothers and fathers saw negative effects on communication in their relationships immediately after their child was born.
Regardless of why communication stops, it often contributes to marriage problems during postpartum depression.
Financial Strain
Some couples are not only not prepared for an increased workload but also financially to deal with a new baby.
If you and your partner are facing financial strain in the postpartum period, you are not alone.
A study in the JAMA Network of more than 3,500 women from 2013 to 2018 showed that financial strain during the postpartum period is highly common.
Here’s how this issue breaks down:
- 60% of postpartum women reported that health care was unaffordable for them
- 24% reported that they had unmet healthcare needs
- 54% reported general financial stress
Money problems create significant stress between a couple. Combine financial strain with the symptoms of postpartum depression, and this makes for a problematic household environment.
Lack of Quality Time
One of the most common problems new mothers and their partners face throughout the first year of having a new baby is the lack of quality time they can spend alone together. Protective factor
When women are struggling with postpartum depression, they may find it difficult to want to make time for their partner. This is because a common symptom of postpartum depression is isolation.
To the other partner, this can seem hurtful and confusing. This creates a greater divide between the couple and spurs more postpartum depression marriage problems.
Yet research shows that quality time spent together is a protective factor in relationships. This means that as time spent together increases, the relationship can strengthen.
Decrease in Intimacy
Postpartum depression has many symptoms, including fatigue and a loss of interest in sex.
Due to emotional pressures, physical changes, and overall life changes, many couples see effects on their sex life during the postpartum period. This happens for many reasons, such as a lack of communication and not spending enough time alone together.
In a 2022 study of 36 women on how childbirth affects their sexuality, 8.33% of women reported that they never resumed sexual activity after giving birth.
Some reasons cited for lack of or reduced sexual activity in postpartum mothers included:
- Pain experienced during intercourse
- Level of satisfaction with sexual activity
- Fear of pain
- Postpartum experience overall
- Perceptions of body image
- Changes to the couple’s relationship after childbirth
- Overall birth experience
- Feeling/attitude toward resuming sexual activity
There are many reasons women may be hesitant to have sex or may have a lower desire for sex after giving birth, including having postpartum depression.
Lack of intimacy in a relationship triggers a set of additional postpartum depression marriage problems. These challenges include feelings of dissatisfaction and a loss of self-worth. This can affect one or both partners.
Decrease in Couple Satisfaction
Women’s experience with postpartum depression can also cause a decrease in both partners’ satisfaction overall with the relationship.
That is, postpartum depression affects how satisfied people are with their relationship after the birth of their child.
Research studies show that this is largely due to other issues, such as financial strain, division of household labor, lack of sleep, and general stress. However, a decrease in satisfaction with the relationship can lead to long-term consequences, such as divorce.
How to Support Your Partner with PPD
Maternal depression can affect the whole family, especially with the strain of caring for a new baby. The effects of PPD can carry over into your marriage or relationship, but there are many ways to help.
Here are the top ways to support your partner as they heal from postpartum depression:
- Suggest a postpartum depression screening: Most women don’t get treated right away for PPD. Help your partner find an online screening questionnaire or see a healthcare provider at the first signs of PPD.
- Offer to help them find treatment: Without treatment, about 25% of women will have postpartum depression symptoms up to 3 years after birth. There are a range of interventions to help your partner recover, including medications like antidepressants, therapy, counseling, and support groups.
- Provide a Listening Ear. Set aside time to listen to your wife or partner. Offer your empathy, support, and encouragement.
- Ask for Social Support: New parents and veteran parents alike can benefit from help. Friends, family, community members, or local organizations may be willing to help with cleaning, laundry, meal preparation, or childcare.
- Make plans for a child-free time: Women with PPD or symptoms of baby blues need time for self-care and time with their partner. Plan time for each as often as you can. Be sure to have a solid childcare plan.
- Do your share: Many new mothers or postpartum mothers feel pressure to handle all household and childcare tasks themselves. Alleviate this stress by ensuring you are doing your share of household tasks.
- Take breaks: Caregivers can experience a lot of burnout, so it’s important to care for your own well-being while supporting your wife or partner.
Tips for Improving PPD & Marital Problems
If you’re struggling with marriage problems during postpartum depression, know that you are not alone. Many couples face marital problems and learn to work through them healthily during this difficult time.
Here are some tips for coping with and healing marriage problems during PPD:
- Learn the Causes: Couples facing relationship problems during the postpartum period must find the root causes. This way, couples can make healthy steps toward mending their partnership. Couples therapy or marriage counseling with a mental health professional can also help.
- Communicate: Talking about your feelings with your partner during postpartum depression will make you feel better and will shed light on how the other is feeling. Having everything in the open can help you identify issues and work toward solutions. Counseling can help during this stage as well.
- Support Each Other: Showing support and concern for your partner can help bring you closer together. You can also find social support from friends, loved ones, caregivers, or depression support groups.
- Seek Help: Seeking outside counseling, whether together or separately, is a positive way to cope with postpartum depression and marriage problems. A professional therapist or counselor can give you the tools to keep your relationship healthy. Simply talking about your feelings and having them validated by a professional makes a couple feel more confident moving forward.
- Focus on Recovery: Keeping the situation in perspective is important. If you are seeking postpartum depression treatment, remember that this form of depression can be resolved with treatment and time.
Find Couples Therapy and Support for Postpartum Depression
Postpartum depression can take a toll on a couple’s relationship. Yet many of these issues can be addressed with improved lines of communication, reconnecting, and quality time.
But before you get to work on your marriage issues, getting the right postpartum depression treatment is crucial to your health.
At PostpartumDepression.org, we make finding top-quality healthcare providers for PPD easy and accessible for all. Browse for therapy providers in your state and find treatment that’s effective and close to home.
You can also learn more about the risk factors for PPD, find supportive resources, and get the help you need to recover.
